Getting me-time

When you become a parent your life changes forever – it’s not just the adjustments to your daily routine and finances, it’s more about the fact that your child depends on you for their wellbeing and welfare. You are not that footloose and fancy-free individual who could please herself whenever she fancied - you have duties and responsibilities for years to come. Of course the rewards for these sacrifices are huge and you will feel very proud of your child’s achievements, from the first steps on their wobbly, chubby legs through good exam grades and hopefully job satisfaction.

But let’s rewind and consider what is happening right now. You are getting to know your baby and your time is all tied up caring for their basic needs, while recovering from the birth. You are sleep deprived, have not time to eat proper meals and sometimes feel a bit low because looking after a baby is taking all the energy you got and you don’t have time to look after yourself and do the things you like. Even simple things, such as going for a walk is complicated by having to get the pram out and pack a big bag bulging with things your baby might need to feel comfortable.

If you don’t have family living nearby you might struggle with housework and relish weekends when your partner is home and can lend a hand. But even then the baby comes first and your needs get pushed down the to-do list.

Yet, finding me time is important for your physical and emotional wellbeing. Even a few minutes a day make a difference, but can you go about it without depriving your baby of your loving care? Young babies tend to sleep a lot but it might be mostly during the day. If you want to take advantage of this time to rest, relax in a bubble bath, read a book or cook yourself a nice meal, you have to plan carefully and change your routine to accommodate your needs.

If your house needs cleaning but you need a rest or relax with a good book, forget the chores or get help. Cleaning the bathroom can wait another day and you don’t need to get dressed at all if you are spending the day indoors – you just had a baby and you are perfectly entitled to wear jogging bottoms if it feels convenient to you. Not getting enough rest and concentrating on your needs once in a while will eventually make you feel resentful – a happy mum makes for a happy parent, so if you are not happy yourself your baby will feel this and won’t settle. Here are our top tips:

• Do something for yourself – don’t postpone going to that yoga class, going to the cinema to see that film you heard so much about or seeing a friend. Find a way to make it work by asking for help from your partner or relations. If your mum is living far away, ask her to come and stay with you for a few days so she can help you with what needs doing around the house and babysit if you want to go somewhere for a few hours. It’s perfectly possible ‘not to be a mum’ for an afternoon, nobody will criticise you as everyone needs time out once in a while.
• Indulge in a spot of pampering – have a haircut, a spa treatment or even just a bubble bath without being on red alert. Ask your partner to take the baby for a walk and enjoy some time on your own.
• Buy a new dress or outfit. Once you become a mum you get to spend most of your money on baby stuff and might feel ‘guilty’ about buying something for yourself, but you shouldn’t, you deserve a treat now and then.
• Socialise with other parents. If your friends are all childless and don’t understand what you are going through or aren’t interested in going places to you with baby in tow, find a new parent group in your area and meet like-minded parents for social outings and good chats. Knowing other mums in your area will create a support network for those days when you need to talk to somebody who understands what you are going through and is happy to come to your home or invite you to theirs so you can have a nice cup of tea and a chat with baby in tow. Once your child gets more mobile, play dates are a good way to be social with your child, you get to chat with another adult while your child is safe and under your supervision.
• Do couple things once in a while – you might have to find a babysitter but it’s important to spend some time with your partner as it’s hard to be yourselves and have a good chat when looking after a baby.

Whatever you decide, remember that finding me time is not being selfish, your partner may have work to go to and can be himself there, but you your time is mostly taken up looking after a baby and keeping home, which can be lonely and isolating unless you get out of the house now and then. Instead of pretending everything is fine, open up with your partner and family by letting them know how you really feel – don’t expect your loved ones to second-guess or interpret your sighs. Help doesn’t fall from the sky, you need to ask for it.